How can I find balance in my life?

Short answer

By avoiding seeking balance in static environments or calm phases in life. Rather, by making yourself more resilient, confident and in line with your needs and desires, no matter what is happening within or around you.

Recap

Recently on our first mindful journey: The letter to heaviness has been written, the dance with it is ongoing and letting go has been practised to release more pressure.

We moved on with a better focus and emphasised the importance of consistent action and the necessary commitment towards ourselves.

Introduction

As I write this, my terrible surf session (from this chapter) is still in my bones. Yesterday a friend asked me how I was feeling, and I answered with: “Ocean waves were choppy and non surfable, I guess that’s a good metaphor for how I’m doing as well. Angsty and moody.”

It can be tough to recover while finding a strategic approach to move forward. We don’t wait for calm conditions in order to regain balance. We learn to find it in the ups and downs.

How can we do that? In today’s chapter, we will zoom out a little from individual moments and experiences and try to take a bird’s eye view of all these things.

How to stay balanced in stressful times

Do you know these round balance boards on which you can do all kinds of exercises? Imagine yourself standing on one and trying to stay content whilst not needing to jump off. Depending whether you’re used to these exercises or not, you may find it hard and impossible or easy and exciting.

Now let’s transform that balance board onto a piece of paper. Draw a circle on it and add lines with arrows on both ends. The latter represent scales with opposite meanings. Take a look at mine:

Sure, my graphic might look super trivial (sorry haha), but the concept behind it isn’t. It helps me to orientate myself where I am in life. And whether I’m out of balance in certain aspects of it.

Sometimes I lose myself in doing too much and then start to wonder why I feel soooo exhausted. Is something wrong with me, do I lack energy? No, I just overdid it.
On other days, I don’t understand why I crave silence and alone time so much. Am I incapable of dealing with people or do I actively choose to be a loner? No. I simply don’t realise that I had longer periods before that when I was around people and drained my social batteries.
When I experience a couple of rougher days in a row with a lot of unpleasant feelings. Am I about to hit the wall? No, prior to this current phase my daily life was rather calm and dare I say boring (🙈).
Although I am currently sifting through super serious and almost dramatic reflections and talking with friends, I remind myself that I also have the ability to be a silly goose.

Are you out of balance?

Look, we can overdo it with this pretty circle and all the arrows. And I gave you a few of my parameters in the graphic. However, you can easily find your own that work for you and fit your themes in life!

And then see whether you’re out of balance or not.

Right now, today or this week.
Generally in life.

How you could use all that

It’s not like I take a look at that balance board regularly, but occasionally. It might also serve you as a gentle reminder and guide.

How active and loud or rather calm and gentle is your (daily) life right now?
On which end of specific spectrums do you find yourself, and is it possible to get closer to the middle? Do you even want that to happen?
Remember that it is not the idea to keep jumping from one end to another, but to navigate the many many steps in between!

Having the awareness to realise where you are is key

And then? Your ability to cultivate healthy and sustainable habits, hobbies or reference points brings you back on track and in the centre of the balance board.

The most important message about balance

It’s not static but dynamic. Whether you like that or not doesn’t actually matter. You have to remain active and present anyway.

Got thrown off? Get back up again and see how long you can manage this time.
Don’t know where you are? Become aware of your board, your posture and your parameters!
Happy with where you are? Great! Keep balancing, and stay aware if and how long the current mix of activities supports you!
Unsure whether you have or work with the right tools? Observe them and start experimenting with exchanging old ones with new ones!

Can I avoid stepping onto the balance board?

A rhetorical question, I have to remark with a gentle smile. The short answer is no. It’s tempting to ponder this question, but that’s not really an option, come one. Sure, temporarily we can jump off and let the world bite us in the behind. But that’s not a long-term solution.

Remember when I opened up about my last surf session that sucked and the huge waves that scared the shit out of me?

Will I stop surfing because of that? Hell no. I’ll go back into the water as soon as possible, ideally when the waves are smaller and I get an opportunity to feel the opposite experience of gentleness and less stress again.

What about surfing the big ones again? Not important for me right now. I start small and work myself up..

Closing remarks as we balance it out

There’s no alternative to learning to play the game, dance with it and find out what’s best for you to stay in tune.
There’s only one way forward. It involves you being active, taking one step at a time and levelling out whatever tries to throw you off course.
It’s not about whether you like it or not. It’s about how mindful, self-caring and gentle, how open you want to manage this exercise.

Stop looking primarily to others for answers

Get on board and gain your own immensely valuable experience. And in case you need support in figuring it out by yourself? Get in touch with me today and let’s find out together whether I can be of help to you on your journey!

Even and especially when you’re afraid of failing. In that case, you’ll particularly enjoy the next part of our journey about failure.

PS: Have you ever heard about homeostasis? In fact, there is no reason to doubt your ability to be in balance. It’s deeply ingrained in us. Connecting to the balance board analogy, we naturally tend towards the middle. Isn’t that beautiful? Until I publish my own post about it, you can read more about it here!